Joshisms

-- Maybe Yoda does yoda. Because his name is Yoda. (He means yoga.)

-- David: Who is your mother and where did she come from?!

Joshua: Um...she is a Earthling. 

-- Me: Josh, who is playing football now?

Joshua: Picksburg and Dinner. 

Me: Are you sure that's right?

Joshua: Daddy said it was Picksburg and Dinner! (Pittsburg and Denver)

-- Me: Look outside and see if it's snowing.

*He goes to the front door and struggles with the lock.*

Me: You could just look out through the window.

Joshua: I like to do it the old fashioned way. 

-- Do mongooses say 'moo' instead of 'honk'? 

-- Joshua: It's almost Spring because that groundhog didn't see his shadow. Even the one in Transylvania says it will be Spring.

Me: Transylvania?! 

Joshua: Yes. It's far away from where we live. 

Me: Are you sure it's Transylvania?

Joshua: Mrs White said big-name something something ground hog lives there.

Me: Pennsylvania. Punxsutawney Phil is in Pennsylvania.

Joshua: Oh! Is it scary there?

-- Today at recess, I was playing tag and tripped and fell down but a little kid was in front of me and I accidentally knocked him down. I fell all the way down the hill! When I got up, I said, "You okay, bud?" He said, "Yea."

-- Joshua saw a photo of me at Disney World when I was a little girl:

Josh: Mom, is that you?!

Me: Yes! Grandaddy & Grandmama took me to Disney when I was little. 

Josh: Man, that castle is really old!

Me: 😑

Josh: Whaaaaat?!?

-- Me: Joshua, tell Daddy who that lady in Target said you were dancing like.

Joshua: Cam Mutant (Cam Newton)

-- Joshua asked David to sleep with him while we were at Claire's house. David went to get in bed and this is what I heard from the other room.

Joshua: You're sleeping in your UNDERWEAR?!?!

David: I had planned to, yes. Is that okay with you?

Joshua: Eew! Are you SERIOUS?!!

David: Yes! 

Joshua: Grown-ups these days! 

-- While painting the kitchen: 

David: Let's get some music going! 

Joshua: Yea!!!! Play Brown Mars! That one's my favorite! (Bruno Mars)

End of the Year Interview - 2015

1) What is your name? Joshua

2) When is your birthday? May 13

3) What is your favorite color? Blue. Tar-heels blue

4) What is your favorite toy? My light saver (light saber)

5) What is your favorite food? Ice cream. What about "real" food? Mozzarella sticks

6) What is your favorite holiday? Christmas

7) Who is your teacher? Mrs White

8) Who is your best friend? Tyler

9) What is your favorite song? Nothing Can Ever Separate Us (Nothing Ever Could Separate Us - Citizen Way)

10) What is your favorite book? The Kissing Hand

11) What was your favorite part about last year? Going to Disney World (Technically, that trip was a 2016 trip, but we'll let it slide. ;))

12) What are you looking forward to this year? Playing in the snow

Joshisms

-- Me: What kind of cereal do you want?

Joshua: Fruit Toodles....Toodle Fruits. The kind with marshmallows in it.

Me: Lucky Charms?

Joshua: That's it!

-- Joshua: Remember when you were a kid and Grandaddy would say, "I wouldn't go down there if I was you." because he thought there was a man with a bloody axe down there?

Me: Yea. He was just tricking us. 

Joshua: Was the axe bloody from chopping off heads?

Me: I don't know why it was bloody. 

Joshua: Well, I can't ask him now. Because he's dead.

Me: When you get to Heaven you can ask him.

Joshua: Yep. Maybe Grandmama knows. I'll ask her.  

-- While throwing the frisbee with David: Dude, I'm not a professional! 

-- Brains taste like memories. 

-- Me to David: You're so smart. 

Joshua: He's been in high school...

-- Joshua pushing his way past me- 

Me: Excuse me son, am I in your way?

Joshua: Ha! Kids this day....

-- A commercial on TV said, "Thank you to moms everywhere...."

Joshua said, "Thanks, mom!"

-- Me: Robert told me to let him know and he would put the new brakes on for us. But I told him I didnt want to waste part of his day off, etc. and he was like, "It's not a big deal. Just let me know."

Joshua: Who said that mean thing to you?

Me: Dude. 

Joshua: Well, he's just a sassy-pants! 

-- Joshua: Mom! These rabbits turn white in the winter! That's crazy!

Me: Why do you think God made it so they would turn white?

Joshua: Because the snow is white.

Me: And why is it important that they match the snow?

Joshua: So other snow animals can't see them. Like snow foxes and snow snakes. Well, not snow snakes. That's not real.

Joshisms

-- David & Josh were watching tv while I made dinner. Joshua comes in and says, "What we're watching? It's not very appropriate, but it's funny. It's called 'Science of Stupid'."

-- Joshua: Mom, who is that?

Me: The Pope. 

Joshua: Pope? That's a funny name. 

Me: That's not his name, that's his title. 

Joshua: What's his real name?

Me: Ummm....I couldn't tell ya.

Joshua: Why can't you tell me? 

Me: Because I don't know.

Joshua: Oh! I thought maybe it was a secret. 

-- While eating lunch at "Chick-of-lay":

Joshua: Mom, what do these letters mean?

Me: I'm not sure but I think they help the employees know what's inside the box. Like, N for nuggets, S for strips and I don't know what the O could be for. 

Joshua: Osome? (Awesome)

Me: Haha! Awesome starts with A but good guess!

-- Joshua: My sense of smell found you. 

Me: Ooooh! Are you a dog?

Joshua: Yep. I'm a howling dog. 

-- While playing with Jackson's farm animal figurines:

Joshua: Mom, is this pig itchy because it has lots of bumps on it. 

Me: Well, that pig is a mama pig, so......

Joshua: Oh! They're suckers! 

-- Me: Have you thought about what you want to put on your Christmas list?

Joshua: An electric scooter, a dirt bike. A kid one with a helmet. A Disney ticket and to go there. A puppy that is really a grown up dog but still looks like a puppy. The kind like we saw at the store (a little poofy white dog). 2 other little puppies. And you know that electric car that the triplets on our road that are always naked have? One of those. 

Me: 😳

-- I collected driftwood at the beach and when I got home, Joshua looked down in the bag and said, "Mulch?!". 

-- Joshua had a check-up with the Doctor and my Aunt is a nurse there. She took his vitals and height, weight, etc and then took us to the exam room. Before she left, she asked him to get undressed and he was shocked. When she left, he asked me, "Is this a joke?" 

-- "I got two prizes today. I'm the luckiest kid ever!"

-- While watching Charlie Brown Thanksgiving:

"That girl (Lucy) is gonna move the ball and Charlie Brown's gonna land right on his back. It happens every time!"

J: She's not a sir!

Me: Marcy calls everyone Sir. 

J: Why? Oh! She's blinded! 

(She wears glasses but you can't see her eyes.)

Joshisms

Joshisms:

-- Joshua: When will a mouse come in our house?!

Me: We don't want a mouse in our house.

Joshua: But I want to dissect it and see what's inside!

-- Joshua: I wish I can dye my hair on crazy hair day. 

Me: We can do that. 

Joshua: Okay, I will tell you when it is. It's like a long time from now. Like when I track out for second grade.

Me: You're going to second grade?!

Joshua: Yea. After first grade, I am. 

Me: Will it ever end?!

Joshua: Pretty much not. 

-- We play a game of hide and seek where Josh is the hider and Tank is the seeker. Josh went to go hide and told David to cover Tank's eyes so he couldn't watch and wouldn't say where he was hiding because then Tank would know. ;)

-- Joshua was reading a book he brought home from school about pigs. The page read, "Pigs have a flat nose called a snout." Joshua read, "Pigs have a flabulous nose called a snart." 

-- While reading the word "elephant":

Joshua: Elephant....elepant?

Me: You were right. Elephant is correct. 

Joshua: But it'a a P.

Me: Yes. PH makes an F sound.

Joshua: Then why isn't it just an F??!

-- It isn't raining hard. It's just dribbling. (Drizzling)

-- Joshua: *fart*

Me: Joshua!!!!

Joshua: What?! It's just an expression!

-- Whoever loses is a rotten egg!

-- Tank ran after a stray cat that's been hanging around our house and David & I were yelling at him to come back and Josh said, "What's the big deal? It's just a bad word cat!" 

-- While David was watching the Washington and New York football game, Josh read the team abbreviations at the bottom of the screen as words: "Wush" and "Nug" are playing? 

-- Robert was outside with Joshua and Holt and they heard firecrackers go off. The boys perked up and looked around. Robert asked what that noise was. Joshua said, "A car crash with crackers!!" 

Joshisms

-- "I'm six now! I'm an upside down 9!"

-- A few minutes after I told Josh to go get ready for a shower:

Josh: I'm gonna go do something first. 

David: No. What did Mama tell you to do?

Joshua: Get naked!!

-- While swinging and making up songs about God:

Josh: Now I'll sing a rock and roll song about God.

Me: Ok. Go for it.

Josh: GOD HAD A BABY! GOD HAD A BABY!!!

Me: *laughing*

Josh: Wait...that's not right. *laughing* That is NOT right.

-- While eating at Steak 'n Shake:

Josh: When we all eat out, can we always eat here?

David: Is it good?

Josh: Yes! Even if we did have to wait 15 minutes for our food!

-- Josh: You know that Brother Bear movie? I watched that this morning. Do any other countries say, "Whatcha doin, C?" or, "Whatcha doin, G?" like they say, "Whatcha doin, A?" (Whatcha doin, Eh?)

-- While looking at the little scissors on one of his pocket knives:

"Dad, a scissors is two screwed together knives."

-- While Grammy was having Josh track her finger:

Grammy: Your eyes are tracking together.

Josh: Yep. They're a team.

-- J: Mom, look! It's a beetle!

Me: Oh yea! He's pretty. Look how shiny green he is!

J: Yea! And he's an insect.

Me: How do you know?

J: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. He has 6 legs. See? An insect!

-- Kate brought over a balloon for Josh's graduation and it has an owl on it. It was by the window and Josh saw it while we were playing outside:  Mom, look "whooooo" is watching us!

-- Joshua saw a field with bales of hay: hey, hay! *snort* Hay!! Like Hey! 

Joshisms

-- While writing a sentence describing Tank:

Josh: How do you spell "white"? 

Me: White??!

Josh: Oh! I know!

-- Rhoninus (rhinoceros) 

Nosaurus

Rhonasaurus 

-- "Mom, let me ask you something about the Rifle Tower." (Eiffel tower)

-- "On 'Peabottom and Sherman', I heard that George Washington didn't really cut down a cherry tree. That's all I know." (Peabody and Sherman)

-- I kissed Josh's nose and he said, "Eww, you kissed my boogers!"

Me: I've kissed you just about everywhere.

Josh: Even in the bathroom?!

-- "That dripping sound is not necessary."

-- David laid down a Draw 4 card for Josh during a game of Uno. Josh's response: "You don't care any thing about me."

-- David fixed Josh a glass of water while Josh was in the bathroom. He told him, "Josh, your drink is on the counter by the stove." Later, while Josh was eating his snack, he said to David, "Dad, I was thinking my drink would be a little more 'spicy'." (meaning soda)

-- "My teacher in my class (at church) had to have surgery on her toe. They cut half her tailnoe!"

-- Joshua: This medicine tastes like dead birds. 

Me: Dead birds? It smells like peppermint to me.

Josh: Well, it tastes like dead birds to me!

Me: How do you know what dead birds taste like?

Joshua: I don't. But I think this is what it tastes like. 

-- "Guess what? It's Squirrel Reunion Day. They all gathered up in a tree."

-- While getting his inhaler while coughing his head off: "Just one lap of run and that what happens."

-- Upon seeing a photo of a possum: "A rat? That's a big rat! He haves big sharp teeth that could break a toe off!"

-- While helping David cook dinner:

J: What did they kill to make that?

D: A cow.

J: A girl cow sometimes?

D: Yes.

J: That's sad. They might have babies!