Joshisms

-- J: Are we going to Aunt Bonnie's today?
D: No. She isn't even there.
J: But I want to go there, anyway!
D: Why?
J: Because they are cool kids and stuff.

-- David and I were goofing off in the kitchen and Josh came running in and asked me "Is he unresting you?!" (He meant arresting.)

-- Josh and I spent a few days at my Grandparent's house last week. Joshua is so blessed to have so many Great-Grandparents! Grandma and I enjoyed listening to Josh and Grandpa's conversations while they were alone in the kitchen. Grandpa was having a hard time hearing Josh and kept asking him to repeat himself. Josh became exasperated and came back into the living room. He looked at Grandma and said "Him just don't understand me."

-- Me: Beth is going to have baby Finley tomorrow!
Josh: Oh yay! I think I'm gonna go see him! 
Me: We aren't going to see him but Aunt Bonnie is up there and she'll see him and send us pictures.
Josh: Why is her there?
Me: Because Aunt Bonnie is Finn's grammy.
Josh: NNoooooo!!!!! She can't be his grammy!
Me: Why not?
Josh: 'Cause her is our Aunt Bonnie!!
(He's since warmed up to the idea but he's ready for Aunt Bonnie to come home.) ;)

-- My Aunt Brenda (We call her Sissy) spoils Joshua like crazy (just like she did me). She brought him some mini M&Ms and he offered one to Grandpa. Only one, mind you. :) Grandpa asked what it was and Josh told him it was an M&M. Grandpa looked at it closely and said "Are you sure it's not just one M? Looks kind of small to me!"


-- Me: Walk quickly, it's raining and we might melt!
J: Why would we melt?
Me: Because I'm made of sugar and sugar melts in the rain. 
J: Mom, you won't melt. We're made of bones, not sugar.


-- Grandma and I were talking about how sometimes Josh had trouble listening and doing as he's told. He interrupted our conversation to ask why he didn't always listen well. I jokingly told him it was probably because he was male. He was highly offended and said, "I'm not a mail!! Look at me. I don't have a package on my head or anything!!!" (Again, English is hard!)

-- Josh to David: I bless-youd and a booger came out!

-- Josh spent the weekend at Poppa & Grammy's last weekend. This is a text I got from her while he was there: I was standing in the kitchen and when Josh came in I picked him up. He looked on the counter and said, "Hey, I want that cheese!!" It was post-it notes! (The boy has a cheese obsession.)

-- Joshua and I sat in the car while David ran in to the store to return a movie. Josh said to me, "Let's time him up!" (He wanted to see how long it would take David to get back.) 

Joshisms

-- Josh was riding in the buggy at the grocery store and saw a work-out product (yoga mat or something) that had a photo of a man on it. He said "Man thighs? Gross!" (I attribute this to his Aunt Mae Mae, who detests man thighs.) ;)

-- While riding in the buggy he complained that his knees hurt. I asked him to show me where it hurt and he pointed to the back of his thighs. I told him those weren't his knees, that they were his thighs. He said "They're my underknees."

-- While unplugging the iPad, Josh noticed the cord also had a USB on it. He asked "How do you inplug this?"

-- We watched a show about porcupines and a few days later Josh told me, "Mom, you can touch pokeypines." I replied, "Are you sure?" He said, "Yes, under his belly, you can!" (It's true and proves he was paying attention.)

-- Josh and I went to Poppa & Grammy's for a night last week. It was very late and Josh fell asleep on the way so he was raring to go when we got there. Poppa had gone in the kitchen to fix a cup of coffee and Josh followed along behind repeating "I'm hungry, I'm hungry!" Poppa had heard enough and reached into the fridge, handed Josh half of a ham and said "Here, eat this!" Josh was appalled and exclaimed, "Not a piece of chicken!"

-- While at Uncle Doug & Aunt Bonnie's a few days ago, Josh was explaining to Tiffany the reason there was a "black Spiderman" (His name is Venom and I have no idea where he came from.). His explanation went something like: "Spiderman was a good guy and he came down and put a black costume on and he think he look cute and he became a bad guy!"

-- Josh: Why do we have windows, Daddy?
David: So you can see out while we're riding in the car.
Josh: But we don't need windows. If we take them out it will be just wind.
Me: If we didn't have windows it would be cold in the car.
Josh: (exasperated) Okay, we need windows.

-- While riding in the car Josh whispers, "Daddy, are we gonna tell Mama we gonna go get ice cream?" David says "No, but I think you just did!" Josh: "Nuh huh!! I said 'Daddy'!! (As if he didn't address me directly, I didn't hear him.) :)

-- Josh's blessing: "Thank you for God, and our blessing, and our food, and grandfathers, and bad guys, and police, and firemans, and fire, and alarms, and that orange thing right there, and drinks and Daddys, and Mommys, and sons. Amen." (We had had a conversation about the alarm in the restaurant. The "orange thing" was a toothpick with the fancy plastic on the end.)

-- Josh: Dora is my girlfriend.
Me: Why do you like Dora?
Josh: 'Cause that monkey and that map. Her is cute, though.

-- Josh, Aunt Bonnie and I ate at the (wonderful, huge, fabulous, amazing) Chick-fil-a in Cameron Village today. (It's 2 stories, has a double drive through with an elevator for food and a really cool track system to get food out to the drive through, which looks like a bank drive through.) Anyway.....on the way out we went through the revolving door. Josh went through and then turned around and, watching the door, said "That worked very nicely!"

-- While at the park today, Joshua was pretending to be a waiter (as usual) and was up on the playground equipment. Aunt Bonnie was asking if he could come down one of the rock wall looking things. Josh explained how one would climb up the wall and she suggested that he could climb down it by holding onto the rope that was attached. He became very serious and said "Excuse me, I'm holding a plate!" To which she replied, "Well, yes, I imagine it would be more difficult to come down while holding a plate." :)