Saturday, August 5, 2017


The face he makes when I ask him to smile a real smile. 

-- As we drove by BB&T: Hey, BB&T! Bank, Butt, & Toot.

-- Joshua, Mama, and I took a trip to Washington DC recently and played the licence plate game on the way. Joshua was in charge of looking for plates we hadn't seen yet. He did great with reading the state names but had trouble with Connecticut. He yelled out, "Conticoot!!"

-- While riding the metro in DC, we happened to get on one of the new trains they're rolling out. It was clean and spacious but someone had left their empty cup from Starbucks behind. It had a woman's name written on it and the straw had lipstick on it.

Mama: Joshua, let's look at the cup and see if we can determine if the person that drank it was a woman or a man.

Joshua: Well, it has a girl's name, so it was a woman.

Mama: How else can we tell it was a woman?

Joshua: Hhmmmm, there's a bloody straw...

Mama: What do women use that men don't use that you see?

Joshua: Lipstick!!

-- Joshua bought a stuffed flamingo from the zoo in DC as a souvenir. I asked him what he was going to name it. He decided on Flamont. Flamont the Flamingo.

-- Joshua: Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Me: What does obvious mean?

Joshua: I don't know.

Me: Don't use words you don't know the meaning of. If I say 'The grass is green,' you could say, 'That's obvious.' So what does obvious mean?

Joshua: Duh, we already know that.

Me: You got it.

-- Joshua saw a bin of flip flops for 97 cents each at Wal-mart. As we went by he said, "Oh wow, that's a nice price!"

--Me: Grandmom's surgery was a knee replacement.

Joshua: Replacement?

Me: Yes, they took here old knee out and replaced it with a new one.

Joshua: With WHOSE knee??!!!

-- Joshua correctly used the word "contestants" in a sentence:

David: Where'd you learn that word?

Joshua: Dad, I'm in the THIRD grade!

David: Oh, my bad!

Friday, March 17, 2017


-- After we asked him to stop playing his harmonica: You hate my lovely lullabies! 

-- Baby Ray's, comin' your way! (Sweet Baby Ray's bbq sauce, that is.) 

-- Joshua: Why are there beaches where people are naked?

David: I don't know; it's weird, isn't it?

Joshua: Yea! I'm NEVER going there. 

(I'm holding him to it. 😉)

-- Dad, you get the light saver and I get the nun chucks. Because I'm especially good at the nun chucks. 

-- Tank, lay down! Lay down!! That's sitting; not lay downing!

-- While eating a churro from Havana Dave's: Look at all that sugar! Im gonna get jacked up!

-- I've always wished my Dad was a musician. But Dad can only play the drums a little. Wait, he could play the keyboard....get it? The computer keyboard?! 

-- I think my butt has a date with Mom's lap... (Said the week he was sick and wouldn't let me out of his sight.) 

-- Joshua: The sun's out!

David: Sun's out, guns out!

Joshua: Guns out?

David: You know what that means?

Joshua: No

David: If the sun is out, *makes fist and flexes his arm*...

Joshua: Arm wrestle!!!