Joshisms

-- David & Josh were watching tv while I made dinner. Joshua comes in and says, "What we're watching? It's not very appropriate, but it's funny. It's called 'Science of Stupid'."

-- Joshua: Mom, who is that?

Me: The Pope. 

Joshua: Pope? That's a funny name. 

Me: That's not his name, that's his title. 

Joshua: What's his real name?

Me: Ummm....I couldn't tell ya.

Joshua: Why can't you tell me? 

Me: Because I don't know.

Joshua: Oh! I thought maybe it was a secret. 

-- While eating lunch at "Chick-of-lay":

Joshua: Mom, what do these letters mean?

Me: I'm not sure but I think they help the employees know what's inside the box. Like, N for nuggets, S for strips and I don't know what the O could be for. 

Joshua: Osome? (Awesome)

Me: Haha! Awesome starts with A but good guess!

-- Joshua: My sense of smell found you. 

Me: Ooooh! Are you a dog?

Joshua: Yep. I'm a howling dog. 

-- While playing with Jackson's farm animal figurines:

Joshua: Mom, is this pig itchy because it has lots of bumps on it. 

Me: Well, that pig is a mama pig, so......

Joshua: Oh! They're suckers! 

-- Me: Have you thought about what you want to put on your Christmas list?

Joshua: An electric scooter, a dirt bike. A kid one with a helmet. A Disney ticket and to go there. A puppy that is really a grown up dog but still looks like a puppy. The kind like we saw at the store (a little poofy white dog). 2 other little puppies. And you know that electric car that the triplets on our road that are always naked have? One of those. 

Me: 😳

-- I collected driftwood at the beach and when I got home, Joshua looked down in the bag and said, "Mulch?!". 

-- Joshua had a check-up with the Doctor and my Aunt is a nurse there. She took his vitals and height, weight, etc and then took us to the exam room. Before she left, she asked him to get undressed and he was shocked. When she left, he asked me, "Is this a joke?" 

-- "I got two prizes today. I'm the luckiest kid ever!"

-- While watching Charlie Brown Thanksgiving:

"That girl (Lucy) is gonna move the ball and Charlie Brown's gonna land right on his back. It happens every time!"

J: She's not a sir!

Me: Marcy calls everyone Sir. 

J: Why? Oh! She's blinded! 

(She wears glasses but you can't see her eyes.)

Joshisms

Joshisms:

-- Joshua: When will a mouse come in our house?!

Me: We don't want a mouse in our house.

Joshua: But I want to dissect it and see what's inside!

-- Joshua: I wish I can dye my hair on crazy hair day. 

Me: We can do that. 

Joshua: Okay, I will tell you when it is. It's like a long time from now. Like when I track out for second grade.

Me: You're going to second grade?!

Joshua: Yea. After first grade, I am. 

Me: Will it ever end?!

Joshua: Pretty much not. 

-- We play a game of hide and seek where Josh is the hider and Tank is the seeker. Josh went to go hide and told David to cover Tank's eyes so he couldn't watch and wouldn't say where he was hiding because then Tank would know. ;)

-- Joshua was reading a book he brought home from school about pigs. The page read, "Pigs have a flat nose called a snout." Joshua read, "Pigs have a flabulous nose called a snart." 

-- While reading the word "elephant":

Joshua: Elephant....elepant?

Me: You were right. Elephant is correct. 

Joshua: But it'a a P.

Me: Yes. PH makes an F sound.

Joshua: Then why isn't it just an F??!

-- It isn't raining hard. It's just dribbling. (Drizzling)

-- Joshua: *fart*

Me: Joshua!!!!

Joshua: What?! It's just an expression!

-- Whoever loses is a rotten egg!

-- Tank ran after a stray cat that's been hanging around our house and David & I were yelling at him to come back and Josh said, "What's the big deal? It's just a bad word cat!" 

-- While David was watching the Washington and New York football game, Josh read the team abbreviations at the bottom of the screen as words: "Wush" and "Nug" are playing? 

-- Robert was outside with Joshua and Holt and they heard firecrackers go off. The boys perked up and looked around. Robert asked what that noise was. Joshua said, "A car crash with crackers!!" 

Joshisms

-- "I'm six now! I'm an upside down 9!"

-- A few minutes after I told Josh to go get ready for a shower:

Josh: I'm gonna go do something first. 

David: No. What did Mama tell you to do?

Joshua: Get naked!!

-- While swinging and making up songs about God:

Josh: Now I'll sing a rock and roll song about God.

Me: Ok. Go for it.

Josh: GOD HAD A BABY! GOD HAD A BABY!!!

Me: *laughing*

Josh: Wait...that's not right. *laughing* That is NOT right.

-- While eating at Steak 'n Shake:

Josh: When we all eat out, can we always eat here?

David: Is it good?

Josh: Yes! Even if we did have to wait 15 minutes for our food!

-- Josh: You know that Brother Bear movie? I watched that this morning. Do any other countries say, "Whatcha doin, C?" or, "Whatcha doin, G?" like they say, "Whatcha doin, A?" (Whatcha doin, Eh?)

-- While looking at the little scissors on one of his pocket knives:

"Dad, a scissors is two screwed together knives."

-- While Grammy was having Josh track her finger:

Grammy: Your eyes are tracking together.

Josh: Yep. They're a team.

-- J: Mom, look! It's a beetle!

Me: Oh yea! He's pretty. Look how shiny green he is!

J: Yea! And he's an insect.

Me: How do you know?

J: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. He has 6 legs. See? An insect!

-- Kate brought over a balloon for Josh's graduation and it has an owl on it. It was by the window and Josh saw it while we were playing outside:  Mom, look "whooooo" is watching us!

-- Joshua saw a field with bales of hay: hey, hay! *snort* Hay!! Like Hey! 

Joshisms

-- While writing a sentence describing Tank:

Josh: How do you spell "white"? 

Me: White??!

Josh: Oh! I know!

-- Rhoninus (rhinoceros) 

Nosaurus

Rhonasaurus 

-- "Mom, let me ask you something about the Rifle Tower." (Eiffel tower)

-- "On 'Peabottom and Sherman', I heard that George Washington didn't really cut down a cherry tree. That's all I know." (Peabody and Sherman)

-- I kissed Josh's nose and he said, "Eww, you kissed my boogers!"

Me: I've kissed you just about everywhere.

Josh: Even in the bathroom?!

-- "That dripping sound is not necessary."

-- David laid down a Draw 4 card for Josh during a game of Uno. Josh's response: "You don't care any thing about me."

-- David fixed Josh a glass of water while Josh was in the bathroom. He told him, "Josh, your drink is on the counter by the stove." Later, while Josh was eating his snack, he said to David, "Dad, I was thinking my drink would be a little more 'spicy'." (meaning soda)

-- "My teacher in my class (at church) had to have surgery on her toe. They cut half her tailnoe!"

-- Joshua: This medicine tastes like dead birds. 

Me: Dead birds? It smells like peppermint to me.

Josh: Well, it tastes like dead birds to me!

Me: How do you know what dead birds taste like?

Joshua: I don't. But I think this is what it tastes like. 

-- "Guess what? It's Squirrel Reunion Day. They all gathered up in a tree."

-- While getting his inhaler while coughing his head off: "Just one lap of run and that what happens."

-- Upon seeing a photo of a possum: "A rat? That's a big rat! He haves big sharp teeth that could break a toe off!"

-- While helping David cook dinner:

J: What did they kill to make that?

D: A cow.

J: A girl cow sometimes?

D: Yes.

J: That's sad. They might have babies!

Joshisms

-- I wish I could hock. (Play hockey)

-- Does this nervous you, Dad? (Make you nervous)

-- I walked through the room holding a pair of Josh's jeans. He jokingly said, "Your pants shrinked!" 

-- "You want some heat? Just get in this car. It's free!"

-- Me: Look, it's a hawk! *whistles* What does a hawk say?

Joshua: *singing to the tune of What Does a Fox Say* What does a hawk say...ding ding ding ding ding. 

-- David was playing peek-a-boo with a baby at the booth next to ours and Josh joined in. He said, "Boo! Boo! Where's......whatever your name is?"

-- Me: I think I have something in my shoe. 

Josh: You do. *wicked grin*

Me: Besides my foot, Greg Hand.

Josh: How dare you?!?! 

-- Mama, this is you and Daddy when you were little kids. *puts his index fingers together and makes kissy noises*

-- Me: I'm gonna eat some ice cream when I get home.

Josh: Oh yea! You just said the word, baby!

-- Dear God, thank you for our dinner and for our family. Thank you for chicken and firemens and everything. Amen

-- We took Josh to the gym to burn some snow day energy and he had been running down this long trampoline they have and jumping up and doing a flip. 

David: Are you gonna go, buddy?

Josh: Yes. I'm waiting for these ladies to get out of the way. 

(The "ladies" were around 10 years old.) 

-- Campalote (cantaloupe) 

-- While doing Josh's homework together:

David: Why did the sled go fast? Because he went DOWN the hill.

Me: Don't tell him, Babe. 

Josh: Yea, Dad. I have to know about learning and stuff. 

David: Ok, ok, I'm sorry.

Josh: That's ok...it's what Dad's do. 

-- Josh was using the bathroom when David got home.

Me: Daddy's home!

Josh: Ok, but I can't be excited right now, I'm pooping!

Joshisms

-- "Pain in the back!"

-- J & I are watching "Planet Earth" and they're showing some kind of wild dogs. Josh says, "That looks like those dogs I saw at Grammy's house. But they look much different. They looked like fire dogs (Dalmatians) but one was white with black spots and the other one was black with white spots. I asked where he saw them. He said he saw them when he went out to swing. He said, "I decided to come in because they were just standing in the road." 

I texted Mama and asked about them and she responded: Hunting dogs. I've seen them before. They are white with black patches. 

-- "Feel the rhythm, feel the ripe, get on up, it's bobsled time!"

-- As we were driving into Richmond, Josh looks up from his book and says, "We're in New York!!!" 

-- Joshua: Where's the switch for the cruncher?

David: What cruncher?

Joshua: In the sink.

David: Oh, we don't have a garbage disposal at this house. We had one at our old house.

Joshua: Oh. That's a shame.

-- Me: We need to pack up our ornaments.

Joshua: Why?

Me: Because we have to take the Christmas tree down.

Joshua: No! We're not!

Me: Yes, it's time to take it down.

Joshua: I'm not gonna let you. I'm gonna tape you to the wall and put an X on you and make a sign that says, 'My Mommy. Not for sale.' And then you can't take it down ever!

-- David was watching a football game (can't remember which teams) and I came in the room. I asked which city they were playing in and David answered. Then Josh piped up and said, "And, they're playing INSIDE!! Can you believe it, Mom?!?!!"

-- Josh had been tracked out of school for almost a month and on his first day back, I got him an Oreo McFlurry as a surprise snack at pick-up. He took a bite and said, "Best mom ever!!" 

-- We didn't have show and tell today because Ms Brodie is cray-cray.

-- Josh: I want a kissing egg. (Like on Cool Runnings)

Me: That's not real. A real egg would have broken when they crashed. 

Josh: Why?!

Me: Because eggs are fragile.

Josh: Like Grammy!

-- Joshua took cheese & crackers for lunch today. When I picked him up, he said he only ate some of the cheese b/c it tasted different. I told him it was the same cheese we always buy. He said, "I think I ate so much of Mae Mae's cheese that I got a kallergy to cheese!" I said, "A what?!" "A kallergy....like when you can't have something b/c it makes you sick? That's what I have."

-- Me: You're going to bed early tonight.

Joshua: No, I'm not!

Me: I think you are.

Joshua: I think I amn't!

-- Me: Are you going to bed early tonight?

Joshua: NO!!

Me: How about if bedtime is at 8 oclock?

Joshua: 8?!!

Me: Yes.

Joshua: That's a long time!

Me: It's 3.5 hours from now 

Joshua: 3.5 hours?!? Awesome!!

(I won't be able to get away with that when he starts telling time. 😉)

Comparing Joshua's Interviews - 2011-2014

	2011	2012	2013	2014
What is your name?	Josh David White	Can you guess my name? My name is....um....what is my new name? Jeremiah Josh David White (He has recently decided to change his name to Jeremiah but has a hard time remembering.)	Josh	Joshua David White
When is your birthday?	Next year	I don't know.	Um, I don’t know. I don’t remember…Saturday?	May 13th
What is your favorite color?	Brown	Blue and Green	Gray	Red
What is your favorite toy?	Opto Prime (Optomis Prime)	My toy motorcycle.	My Hulch hands (Hulk hands)	My keyboard.
What is your favorite food?	Chicken	Hot dogs and mac & cheese	Biscuits	Ice Cream? Spaghetti…with cheese on it.
What is your favorite holiday?	Monkey	What is a holiday? After explanation: I like to do all of 'em.	Christmas	Christmas
Who is your teacher?	Mrs Tanza (Mrs Tanya)	I don't have a class.	Um, I don’t know.	Ms Rhyne and Ms Brodie
Who is your best friend?	MacKayla	At the park, what is his name? Parker (A boy he met ONCE at the park.)	Tank	Tyler and Trenton
What is your favorite song?	Baby Jesus (Away in a Manger)	Umm.....lot of 'em is my favorite. The Boat Song is my best one.	I came in like a wrecking ball.	Nothing Ever Can Separate Us
What is your favorite book?	Baby Jesus (Nativity book)	Um, the books we have already.	The clock book.	The Mouse About the House
What was your favorite part about last year?	Mines bike	Goin' to the beach.	Candy. What does ‘last year’ mean? After explanation: Tank was my best.	When’s last year? After explanation: Going to Busch Gardens!
What are you looking forward to for this year?	Mines shield	I like to ride my bike and lot of stuff. Hang out and drink some spicy drink.	I want to play with Daddy. And I want to play with Tank but not him biting and teach him better. And school! I love school!	Maybe getting a guitar for my birthday.