This totally stinks

I'm feeling angry. And heart broken. Frankly, this whole thing sucks.

This is not fair. It's not fair that a Mama and Daddy should have to bury their child. It's not fair that they would grow him and love him only to have him taken away. It's not fair that they should feel this much pain. It's not fair that I still have my baby and they don't. It isn't fair that so many people who have no business having babies and don't take care of them have babies and get to keep them and my sweet friends who loved and took such good care of their baby don't. I know life isn't fair, no one said it would be.

I pray that I can be the kind of friend Lindsay and Jeremy need. David and I went to visit with them and their families last night. Lindsay was so gracious. As we were leaving I told her I loved her and was here for anything she needed/wanted. She told me that she loved me too and then said "Please hug Joshua for me. And hug him for Ayden too. I'm so glad you have him because I know how much you wanted him and how much I wanted him for you." She is such a good friend. And that's a total understatement. I feel guilty, grateful, so so sad. I'm trying to not be consumed by all of this. Satan wants us to live with the fear of something bad happening to our baby. I REFUSE to do that. My God is perfect, all knowing, loving and alive. His plan is perfect and is what's best for us. It's my job to trust Him and follow His plan. And I will. Satan has no victory here.

My heart breaks for them both. I cannot imagine how badly they're hurting or the totally wide range of emotions they're feeling. I so wish I could take even just a little of the pain away, or give them some tiny bit of understanding as to why this had to happen. But I can't. I can only pray that they'll hold tightly to the Lord and to one another. I pray for their marriage. I pray for their siblings and parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, everyone affected by this. I pray for their friends. That we can be the support they need. I have no idea how those who don't believe in the promise of Heaven and eternal life survive. How do those without a church family do it? I pray constantly for the Lord to return and take us all to be with Him forever. Wouldn't that be wonderful?!

I better get going. Jake will be here in a few minutes to spend the day with us. It will be a crazy day. My mama is coming around 1 to keep Josh while we go to Ayden's Celebration of Life service. We have to pick up Amber from the airport at 2 and then head over to the church building after that.