We're having to find a new sitter for J...again. It makes me sad for me; that D and I have to make this decision again. And it makes me sad for J; that he's getting sent off to yet another person he doesn't know. Before I even get started let me say right now that we LOVE his current sitter. She's wonderful with J and he loves her so much. I've literally had to peel him off of her the past few days to take him home. He screamed all the way down the driveway to the car for me to put him down and go away so he could stay with her. Leaving her and going to someone new will be hard for him. :(
I have a few weeks to find someone new but I'm concerned that whoever we find will quit on us in a few weeks/months. It makes me nervous and anxious. Being nervous and anxious makes me stressed out. I don't do stressed out. Being stressed out gives me migraines and wrinkles. Yuck. I like for things to be settled. Worked out. In place. I don't like being in between sitters. Or in between jobs. Or in between places to live, etc. I don't like when tensions are running high. I don't handle it well. I know that and D knows that. He's been so great. Have I mentioned that I love him? Well, I do. He keeps me steady. He keeps me moving. He helps keep me all put together. We've grown a lot in our marriage in just the past few months and while it's never fun to have growing pains, it was so worth it. (Told you this was crazy random.) This is the 3rd, maybe 4th, time we've had to do this since I went back to work last March. J's old enough now to know that he'll be in a new place with different people and even though he's usually very laid back, he doesn't always like being left with a sitter. Especially one he doesn't know very well. I don't like leaving him either. I know he'll be okay. I know he'll adapt and adjust; and will do so probably fairly quickly. That doesn't make it easier to do.
I feel like I've failed J. I feel like I've made wrong decisions in the past and that's why we've been doing the baby sitter shuffle for almost a year. Maybe they were the best decision at the time, but it still feels wrong. Having to get a new sitter every few months isn't fair for J. He gets sad and scared when I leave him with someone new. That makes me stressed. You know what stressed does to me! Just knowing that he'll be upset makes me upset. It's a vicious cycle. So this time I want to be sure the decision is good and right. I don't want to rush into it. I just want to be sure.
I am not taking this decision lightly. This is my child we're talking about!
Anyway...that's where we are. On the hunt for a new sitter again. We have a few options. We've been praying and talking about what would be best for J and what we could do financially.
Option 1:
PROS: In-home care, 3:1 ratio, $5/week cheaper than we pay now, won't have to pay when J isn't there, J knows one of the kids there
CONS: Sitter has option to quit on us and we'd be right back where we are now. We're a little wary about the grandma/grandson thing. We'd have to provide juice, snacks, lunches, etc.
This option would be easier on our budget BUT we run the risk of losing her if she decides she can't/won't keep kids anymore for whatever reason. I really don't want to have to find another sitter again and I think I'd rather pay the extra $40/month.
Option 2:
PROS: Structured schedule, 5:1 ratio, is much like a preschool so he'd have lessons and would learn numbers, letters, etc., we wouldn't have to provide juice or food, J knows one of the kids there, J could stay there until he is old enough to go to Kindergarten (which we all know doesn't matter because he's promised to never leave his Mama)
CONS: $10/week more than current sitter, we'd have to pay when J wasn't there or when the "school" was closed for holidays, we'd need a back-up sitter on holidays the school was closed and one week in the summer (I'm sure Poppa & Grammy could help in the summer) ;)
We like this option except for having to pay when she's off or J's not there (like this summer when he's with my parents). I know, I know....everyone who has their kiddo in daycare has to pay for 52 weeks a year. AND I know that most everyone who has their kiddo in daycare pays much more than we'd be paying. BUT $40 more a month would mean less money in the budget for groceries as that's the only place we could borrow it from. We could do it, I'm sure. But it wouldn't be fun or easy to stretch our budget even more. Especially when we have to pay for when J wasn't there. ;) We also have friends who's son goes to Option 2 and they're very pleased with everything there. I called the lady about Option 2 today. I hope to hear back from her this evening with a definite yes or no as to whether she'll take J or not.
So, once again I covet your prayers. Please pray that Option 2 will give me a definite answer soon. Please pray that we will be able to find the money we'll need in case Option 2 is the right one. Please pray that we will hear the Lord's gentle prompting as we look to Him for guidance in this decision. Please pray that J will have an easy transition wherever he ends up. (Please pray that I will have an easy transition!) Please pray that when we actually make a decision we will be able to do so without hesitation or regret.
***UPDATE***
I just spoke with Option 2. She's willing to take J, will have an opening starting next Monday and we're going over for a meet & greet and look around this evening at 6:15.
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