My heart's desires

 I've written before about how I loved being a SAHM for most of Josh's first year. It was a wonderful and special time for me and I didn't want to get a job outside of our home. But I needed to because our family can't make it month to month on just David's income. He didn't want to ask me to go back to work. I didn't want him to ask me to go back to work. I didn't have a choice in the matter, unfortunately.


I've started reading The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson and she's really laying it on me. I agree with almost all of what she says. That's the sucky part. Like Mrs Clarkson, I believe that God has specific expectations of each member of a family. Specifically, He (according to Clarkson) has designed the Mother to be a teacher, nurturer, comforter, encourager and to do all of that while maintaining the home and those in it. To be honest, she's stepping on my toes a little. I desire to stay home with the Monster but financially, I can't afford to do that (at this time). I wholeheartedly believe that God intends for me to be home with my child(ren). I have no ambition or desire to work outside of the home. No profession sounds super interesting to me except that of being a Mama. I also wholehearted believe that my Lord wouldn't let me desire it so much if it weren't possible and part of His plan for me. That being said.....I will pray for guidance and clear signs that it's time to quit working outside of the home and turn ALL of my attention to my husband, child and home. That doesn't mean I will quit doing my best at my job. It also doesn't mean I won't wish I was at home with my baby instead of an office! :)


Also, like Clarkson, I'm not trying to say that women who desire to work outside of the home are wrong in their thinking or are giving their families less than their best. For me personally, it's hard to divide my time between work and home. I come home tired and not wanting to make dinner or do laundry or play play-doh with Josh. Then I feel guilty for not making Josh (or even David) my highest priority. I don't handle the stress of it all very well. I'm working on it. ;)


I say all of that to say this: On this day, Jan 17, 2011 I will begin asking the Lord for the desires of my heart. I will ask Him to provide a way for me to be able to stay home and make raising our family my job. I will ask Him to make it clear to me when it is the perfect time to do so. I know it probably won't be tomorrow (but I believe it COULD be if He deemed it suitable) so I will wait. I prayed for a baby for 4 years and God provided. He was faithful, just as He promised. He'll be faithful again, just as He's promised!


Please pray with me? Please pray that David and I will make good, well-informed decisions for our family. Please pray that Josh will still feel as loved and cared for as if I were at home with him. Please pray that I will stop feeling guilty for providing for my family financially as well as emotionally and physically. Please pray that we will see God's will and move when He tells us to. And please pray that we (mostly me) will have the patience to wait for the Lord.